What Are the Early Warning Signs of Teen Dating Violence?

Stephanie McGhee, Graduate Student, Human Development & Family Studies, University of Missouri-Columbia

Researchers who study teen dating violence have identified several early warning signs that a dating relationship might be likely to turn violent. These warning signs do not mean a relationship will definitely turn violent. However, if you notice several of them in your relationship or partner, you may need to re-evaluate your dating relationship. These warning signs include:

Excessive jealousy

Constant checking in with you or making you check in with him or her

Attempts to isolate you from friends and family

Insulting or putting down people you care about

Is too serious about the relationship too quickly

Has had a lot of bad prior relationships - and blames all of the problems on the previous partners

Is very controlling. This may include giving you orders, telling you what to wear, and trying to make all of the decisions for you

Blames you when he or she treats you badly by telling you all of the ways you provoked him or her

Does not take responsibility for own actions

Has an explosive temper (“blows up” a lot)

Pressures you into sexual activity you are not comfortable with

Has a history of fighting, hurting animals, or brags about mistreating other people

Believes strongly in stereotypical gender roles for males and females

You worry about how your partner will react to the things you say or are afraid of provoking your partner

Owns or uses weapons

Refuses to let you to end the relationship

What can you do if you notice these signs in your relationship?

Trust your intuition! If you believe there may be a problem in your relationship, you are probably right. Do not ignore the warning signs. Research has found that those who have a tendency to engage in relationship violence escalate their abuse over time. In other words, it gets worse over time, not better.

Spend time with people you care about other than your partner. Stay in touch with your friends.

Keep up with activities that you enjoy and that make you feel good about yourself.

You might consider looking into what help or resources might be available in your school or area. You might also want to consider calling a domestic violence hotline or shelter for more information before you experience a crisis.

There are things you can do to ensure your safety at home and at school. For more information, see: http://missourifamilies.org/features/divorcearticles/divorcefeature26.htm

If you or someone you know is experiencing dating violence, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY).

To view this article online, go to http://missourifamilies.org/features/divorcearticles/relations59.htm

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